Becoming a Big Sister For the Fourth Time

FeaturedBecoming a Big Sister For the Fourth Time

On Friday afternoon, I found out something that I’d really like to share with you guys!

My mom is going to have another baby. ❤

I wanted to write a post about this, not only to let you guys know, but also because … well … I have mixed feelings on it.

I wish I could say that I'm excited, and joyful, and really happy about this beautiful news … but because of some deep-rooted fears that I have, I feel way more worried than I do happy.

Here's why.

I'm scared that my mom will have to go through a lot of pain. When she had my little sister Elizabeth last summer, Elizabeth was born via c-section. It took my mom weeks to heal from that, and that time was hard on our whole family, especially me, as we did our best to take care of her and comfort her when she was hurting so much.

I'm scared that others will think we're weird. When people see big families, they tend to put them in a certain category, and that makes me feel so awkward.

I'm scared that others will think I'm a teen mom. I'm not usually the only one caring for Elizabeth when we're out and about, but when I do, people have gotten the wrong impression before. I love having younger siblings – especially babies! – but because I'm afraid of others' opinions, that has taken away my joy.

I'm looking forward to this baby. I can't wait to meet him or her … but that excitement is drowned out for the time being by the worries that are filling my heart.

It will take time to heal from how that hospital stay last June drained me. I'll have to write a post on that sometime soon. And it will take me time to learn that others' opinions aren't what matter. One day, I'll feel better about this, and over the next weeks and months, I will get to the point where I will eagerly anticipate the arrival of my new little sibling.

But for now … I am thinking things through. I am praying. I am giving myself room to heal.

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Throughout my mom's pregnancy, I will be writing more posts about how I'm feeling, how her pregnancy with Elizabeth went, and other life updates. I would deeply appreciate all of your encouragement, support, and prayers.

Thank you so much for reading. ❤

— Maggie

Experiencing This Change

Experiencing This Change

Today is a new day.

I have spent nearly the past year of my life (at least!) living in the belief that past mistakes must dictate my actions for the new day. For the last twelve months especially, I have held things against myself – and my family, too, really struggling with being able to forgive, to let go and exhibit grace. It’s been a bumpy journey, trying to figure out why I’ve felt like this for so long.

The day I realized I was shackled to these sins was the day I could let them go.

I have prayed about this problem often, and now I can see that on my hardest day, at my lowest point, the Lord was still there for me. I’m always unable to see His hand at work until I take a step back – and what I can now see is absolutely breathtaking.

He is able to use every problem, sin, mistake, and shortcoming to lead me back to where I need to be – and He already has.

He has taught me about grace, forgiveness, mercy, kindness, and love.

For the past year of my life, I was too focused on taking care of me, of dealing with my own issues … and I no longer took the time necessary to nurture the beautiful relationships I had with my family. I left them behind in my own despair … and even then, nothing changed. The friendships I had with them were going downhill, as well as my self-esteem – and self-control. Focusing on “taking care” of myself didn’t help at all.

Because I wasn’t looking to the right Person.

The moment I laid all of this baggage, these burdens and worries and past mistakes, all down at the feet of my Lord and Savior, I felt a release. A literal weight was off my shoulders as He took them onto His own.

I had been carrying them for too long.

The pit of despair will take quite a bit of time to get myself out of … but I now know that the Lord and my family are waiting for me at the top. I know that they all long for the moment of my return, when I can finally be the loving person I once was, the caring person I often am, but can definitely be at all times. I’ll no longer have anger, impatience, and problems with forgiveness; they have all shown me the important thing I had left behind these past twelve months.

LOVE.

Love for my family, love for the Lord, and very importantly, love for myself. When I stop judging myself and give it all to Him, it is then that I’m able to love and care for others – not before.

It starts here – in my heart. And the new days that come, including today, will not continue to carry yesterday’s burdens.

I am learning to give, to let go, to learn, and to love.

Today is a new day.

— Maggie

Letting Go of Past Relationships || My Freedom Story

Letting Go of Past Relationships || My Freedom Story

Throughout all of our lives, we eventually come to the time where someone we once talked to, hung out with, or even followed online can’t be part of our lives anymore. It’s a difficult decision to make, but a necessary one, as well.

The focus of today’s post, which has also been the focal point of my thoughts these past few days, is broken relationships. I’m learning to let go (as you might have seen by the title) so that I might be free. One day, I desire to experience freedom from these losses, but for now, it is a journey. There are easy days, and there are hard days; easy when I’m surrounded by family and friends, where the sad memories don’t hurt so much, and the hard days when I start feeling lonely, and I begin to miss the ones who could have been in my life. All the time, I’m reminded of what they did to me – the unkind words, the unfeeling looks, the uncaring gestures … they did not care for me as family and best friends should. I will probably be scarred by how these people have treated me.

But I’m stronger because of them. The Lord is using the pain to teach me, and to draw me ever closer to His heart. There is joy in the hurting. ❤

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Hi, guys 🙂 Today, as you can see, I’ll be writing about what has been going on in my life recently.

They have made me quite sad, and in some instances angry, so it was definitely tough for me to find the joy in it, but I really, really didn’t want this to be a downer of a post. So, by challenging myself, I found the positivity in how I felt yesterday, and all the other times that this has affected me. I’ve come to realize that even though I find myself feeling so broken inside at different times, the Lord is using that for my good. There is a reason for each and every thing that has come my way. It can and will hurt me if I let it, but it can also be the foundation from where my strength begins.

It would bless me if you guys could read along. Your support is always much appreciated. I’m having a hard time with this, and all words of encouragement will certainly bring me joy. So, let’s go ahead and begin. 🙂

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Leaving people that used to be in my life behind is not an easy step to take. However …

  • I am thankful for the happy memories I had with these certain people, although it is painfully hard to separate them from the awful memories those same people gave me.
  • I am thankful for the beautiful immediate family that I have, because the loss of connection with extended family doesn’t affect me half as much as it would. My parents’ and siblings’ love and care for me has helped me so much to heal.
  • I am thankful to know what it feels like when people don’t respond promptly to my messages and texts … for I now know what it feels like to virtually converse with someone who cares, and to know that they have legitimate reasons for not replying. (This is a real problem, I assure you. It has caused me much heartache.)
  • I am thankful that I have the ability to leave people that are bad for me behind; I’m thankful for the Lord’s strength in those difficult times.
  • I am thankful that the Lord orchestrated these people to be in my life in the first place; He has and still is using the pain they brought me to teach me, and to draw me closer to Himself.


I am thankful that I have been hurt, for I now know how beautiful it is to be genuinely, whole-heartedly loved.
❤ ❤ ❤

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A huge part of me wishes I had the ability to get rid of the memories I have of the people who have hurt me … but the other part of me knows that it is all for good. May the Lord continue to use this pain, as well as any painful memories YOU have, for our good, because He can, and He will. 🙂

Note: The people that come to mind when I write about these broken relationships aren’t anyone who has access to my blog. So, I just wanted to clarify that I’m not talking about any of you bloggers when I’ve said all of this!

Have a blessed Sunday, everyone. ❤

— Maggie