Hi there! ❤ My goodness, it has been far too long since I felt like myself on this blog. There are so many things I want to share with you in this post, because even though I’ve been posting on and off for the past several months, I haven’t actually been expressing what’s been going on in my life and how I’m really feeling about everything.
Have you ever gone out on a coffee date with an old friend whom you haven’t seen in forever? That’s what this post is going to be like. Even though I’ve been around in the blogging world, I haven’t really been here in well over a year. I am very happy to invite you to grab a virtual cup of coffee and have a long overdue chat with me.
Where do I even begin? I think I’ll start with the two month blogging break I took from late-July through late-September of last year. I was massively struggling emotionally at that time, and I could not continue blogging with the way my mental health was at that point in the year. My little sister, Elizabeth, was at a very, very rough place developmentally, and that took a toll on our entire family. At that same time, I had just graduated from high school, and the pressure I felt from society to immediately pursue college was unbearable. I let it get to my head, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was making the wrong decision by staying home to help my family (because they really needed me).
In the back of my mind, I knew that the Lord had me in the season I was in for a reason, and He was teaching me a lot at that time, but I also let my preferences and society’s expectations steal my happiness.
I came back to blogging in the fall – when I posted every day in October – but I didn’t really open up about what I’d been through in the months before that. Since that long break, I haven’t felt the same enthusiasm and passion about blogging like I did in 2017 especially.
I’ve been living in survival mode for a very long time, and I haven’t known how to open up about my struggles and get back to a happy, optimistic way of living.
I actually had a lot of positive experiences last fall. I visited two different churches in October and November, and I had the opportunity to interact with a lot of new people whom I enjoyed getting to know, even though it was for such a short time. I created an outreach ministry, which met an unexpected end, but it was a beautiful thing to be part of for as long as it lasted.
Because I wasn’t in a place to be the outgoing blogger I used to love being, I lost most of my connections to others online. Some people stopped blogging, which is why we don’t interact anymore, but the other people I once enjoyed chatting with drew away because I couldn’t be the friend I used to be. I’ve gone for weeks and even months at a time of not regularly commenting on my friends’ blogs, which has made me so sad but I had to put myself first.
The chaos I’ve experienced in my life for the past several months – including the things I couldn’t control, as well as my way of responding to and processing everything – has turned me into an inconsistent, flighty, and indecisive individual. (Now, there’s something you’d want to put on your résumé!) I have started things in my real life that I suddenly dropped, I stopped doing things I used to do all the time … I’ve really struggled with finding ways to cope with the trials and hardships that have occurred in my life. Some of them were self-inflicted, for sure, but other ones were so unexpected that I was unprepared to face them the right way.
The main reason I want to talk about this is to apologize to all the people who have been following my blog while all of this was going on. You have no idea what a blessing it is to me that you’ve still stuck around, despite my inability to find balance in my blogging life (and everywhere else).
I’m sorry that I’ve started blogs and then deleted them. I’m sorry for planning out post series I’d do weekly or monthly and then suddenly up and quit. I’m sorry I hosted a blogging challenge and then didn’t even complete it. I’m sorry for all the mixed signals I’ve sent out for a very long time.
I was only trying to find what would make me happy, and I really thought that a new blog, new post series, etc., was the fix I was looking for. What I really needed to do was address all of this in a post on Dreaming of Guatemala, which is what I’m doing today.
This is the blog that I fell in love with in 2017. Any adoration I’ve had for any other blog has never come close. This blog was a blessing to me from the beginning, and it’s the blog I kept coming back to despite all of my attempts to start fresh elsewhere, including my attempts to leave blogging for good. This website has seen so many changes in me – some were very good, but many of them were for the worst.
I deeply missed being excited to share posts on here. When I lost that enthusiasm a long time ago, I thought that I’d never get it back. However, I’m now seeing that the Lord has kept this outlet open for me to one day use again when He knew I was ready to do so. I kept trying to rationalize getting rid of this blog, changing it up, starting over somewhere else … but He had other plans in mind, and I’m so glad that He did. ❤
“A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.” – Proverbs 16:9 AMPC
It blesses me so much to be able to say that I’m excited about blogging on Dreaming of Guatemala again. I’ve missed sharing posts, interacting with you guys, reading your blog posts, and collaborating together. I want to get back to the way I used to be – I used to be so happy, both in my real life and about blogging here on WordPress, and I’m ready to be that person again, although in a current and more mature way (hopefully, hehe!).
Before I finish up this post, I have to give a special shoutout to my mom. She’s the one who’s been really encouraging me to keep up with this hobby, despite my desire to quit since I’ve been so inconsistent. If it hadn’t been for her, I would have quit altogether, which wouldn’t have made me happy at all … but I didn’t know what else to do. I’ve embarrassed myself more than once by how I’ve blogged on Dreaming of Guatemala for a long time, but I really want to forgive myself and understand where I was coming from. I’m ready to move on and take the next step in this blogging journey on Dreaming of Guatemala. Mom, thank you so much for your constant encouragement and helpful advice. Even when I haven’t known how to show it, you’re the one who has helped me to really rethink this blogging thing and get back to a place where I love doing it. Thank you! ❤ ❤ ❤