Hello! I hope you’re having a beautiful day 😊💜 Earlier this week, my mom and I were discussing the fact that I never thought I’d have baby siblings at the age I am now. Elizabeth’s (2) and Isabella’s (eight months) presence in my life has completely altered where I spend my time, which has then impacted and changed me in many different ways.
I wanted to talk more about this today because it honestly isn’t something I consciously think about most of the time. I’m so used to having baby siblings that I don’t realize what a unique situation it is. My mom suggested that it would probably be helpful for me to delve deeper into how this family situation has both positively and negatively impacted me.
First of all, I believed for a long time that I wouldn’t have sisters. When I eleven years old, my little brother Samuel was born. Starting then, I figured I’d just have brothers since I still didn’t have any sisters. I spent my childhood with one brother, then the second brother came when I was a preteen. I was fifteen when I found out that my mom was going to have her fourth baby, and I was in great shock the day I found out that baby was a girl.
Having a baby sister (and then a second one!) was never something I considered an option. I figured my mom would have a few more babies pretty close together (my parents always knew they’d have five kids ❤️), and that my youngest sibling would be maybe thirteen or fourteen years younger than me. What ended up happening was that Elizabeth was born the summer I was sixteen, and Isabella entered the world when I was a few months shy of eighteen.
My mom’s last two pregnancies really scared me. After experiencing different complications that affected my mom and both babies’ health, I grew more and more afraid of medical things in relation to pregnancy. I became bitter and unable to get along with my brothers most of the time because I continually felt as negatively about life as I did about my mom’s medical conditions. It absolutely crippled me when my mom was recovering from her cesarean section with Elizabeth and she was in massive pain. I watched her writhing and crying out on the hospital bed, and I sat there, horrified, unable to do anything to help. I honestly think it hurts us more to see people we love hurting than actually going through pain ourselves.
My relationship with my mom has struggled these last few years. Starting in the fall of 2015, when she was in the first trimester with Elizabeth, I could no longer do the things I used to enjoy doing with her. We used to watch movies in the evenings together, but that had to stop when she felt sick and had to go to bed earlier. In the years that followed, the present day included, she’s either been pregnant or had a baby, so she still has to go to bed earlier. I can’t go places just with her most of the time anymore because one of us is always with one of my sisters. Needless to say, this has all been a strain on me emotionally.
I have been torn for a very long time, because I love my sisters at the same time that they’re taking from what I’d like for my life to be. I don’t feel upset toward them in that they’re taking my mom’s time away because I love both little girls … but it’s still negatively affecting me. I don’t usually acknowledge that I’m suffering because I enjoy being with them and watching Elizabeth and Isabella grow up, but I’m also emotionally hurting for different reasons most days.
All of this is slowly teaching me what the Lord has desired for my life to be. There is a purpose for all of this. ❤ At first, it was very hard for me to accept that my mom needed to dedicate herself to the care of my sisters, because my relationship with her is very important to me. The physical and emotional strain she’s gone through these last few years has affected me, too, and at many points, I felt like I’d lost a friend. There have only been certain times when my interactions with her resembled the closeness we used to have, and that has deeply saddened me. It’s been something that comes up in the conversations I have with my family often, and I’m just now seeing how the Lord is beautifully working all of this out for us.
Having Elizabeth and Isabella around is teaching me how to love and care for little kids. Living in the same house as three little ones has brought about many life lessons. Learning how to enjoy being with and caring for a kid, a toddler, and a baby has not only greatly educated me, but I can also tell that it’s teaching me how to feel compassion for all young people. One of my dreams is to work with kids in Guatemala, so I know that the Lord having my youngest siblings be so widely spaced apart in age was no mistake. 💖
I am not a perfect big sister. I talk about how much time I spend with my siblings, both at home and the places we go together. However, in between all those fun times is quarreling, bickering, confusion, arguments, agitation, and more – we all have little things about us that cause issues within the family. All of us are at a different point in our lives and maturity levels, as well. Honestly, with a good laugh track and intro song, we’d make a great reality TV show. 😂 Humor aside, we work really hard to get along, which isn’t the easiest thing to do some days.
Having younger siblings is teaching me how to put others first. I don’t know what kind of selfish person I’d be if I didn’t have four little siblings. I’m serious – the only reason I’m at the point I am today is because I’m friends with and help care for them, which I wouldn’t do HALF as often if I wasn’t living with them. Spending as much time in their presence as I do creates great closeness, although it also comes with its problems since we’re together most of the time.
I’m thankful for these trying seasons of my life, because the Lord is using them for my good. I can’t usually see it at the time, and even now it’s hard to see how all these things could make up something positive for me and my family. However, I’m able to see constant improvement in how I respond to things, and I know that my family is learning a lot during this time, too.
It has helped me to acknowledge that this is just a season of my life. There have been times where I feel like it’ll always be like this – balancing life with six other people, three of them being very young. But then I remember that they’re slowly growing up, and with each day that passes, they’re getting older, and we come ever closer to a new season of our lives.
I don’t want to waste away the present wishing for an easier season. That’s hard for me to remember on the days when it’s been hectic and I’m worn out … but I don’t want to forget the good days, the memorable moments when Elizabeth or Isabella do something for the first time. If I was always thinking about what my life could look like without baby siblings, I wouldn’t get to truly be part of all the beautiful things that happen here at home.
Thank you so much for reading today’s post. 💜 It really helped me to write this! Even on the days when I have to remind myself that I love being part of a big family, I wouldn’t trade this time of my life for anything in the world.
Thanks for reading! Have a fantastic day (: 💕